New James
by Midallion
Summary: They had tried to replace him. Every time he looked at the newspaper he was stabbed a million times in the heart. He felt betrayed. Useless. And sometimes, he just wanted to die. WARNING: self harm. T for blood.
1. New James

**Alright. I know I owe you guys the second chapter to Big Time Crazed Lives but I wanted to post this. I know. I'm terrible for this. Many think I might've killed the dude but you have to wait and see to find out. ANY WAY! I'm sorry. Please forgive me. OH! And please review if I should make another chapter. I don't really like how it ended but... you guys may... I have no idea why though. Please enjoy and comment! The reviews make me as happy as can be!**

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New James

It felt like being stabbed in the heart. His friends tried to replace him. He continued to stare at the newspaper he had saved; each time he read over it made him feel worse. It made him think that they didn't want him anymore. Made him deem himself useless. He sighed an aggravated sigh and threw the newspaper over to the trash can across the room missing its target. After a while of staring at the cover he threw his hands over his face hissing when he hit the 'sensitive spot'. James had to begun to stare into the mirror every day, and every day he would find and deem himself less pretty and more useless than the day before; about a week after he started gaining more and more scars. The pain never really left him. It was his way of temporarily reliving himself and staying sane before he just killed himself all together. Of course, with his unusual behavior, Logan was watching him carefully. Luckily he got by with just long-sleeved shirts and claiming he was cold.

He became more and more tired and ate less and less as the days passed by. Nobody noticed that the life was deteriorating from him. Logan had soon given up and returned to his usual activities leaving James to fend for himself. He constantly felt sick and finally gave up. His method no longer worked. The pain never left. The scars would always remind him of who he is. And still, nobody noticed. He wanted to tell somebody. Do something. But he didn't. He couldn't. So he stuck with trying to give hints before he was in too deep. He could feel himself slipping further and further into the black hole called his fate, and there was nothing that he could do about it. Nothing that he wanted to do. He didn't want help but he still tried to get it. No help ever came.

Eventually he figured that he had depression. He had the weight loss. He felt useless. He didn't want to live anymore. He would read articles about it all day long on the laptop Kelly and Gustavo bought for them trying to grasp what he should do. Every article contained a simple message in many forms. _Get help_. That was the message the articles where trying to send. It was what he was supposed to do. Yet he didn't do it. He just sat there and waited to die. Soon Kendall, Carlos, and Logan burst through his door one day with an article that he had read in the past day. Their faces where white and their eyes where huge, mouths agape. He would just stare blankly at the intruders. Logan, concerned, asked why James was depressed. James would give no answer. Then Carlos asked if James had hurt himself. James didn't answer. Instead all he did was pull up the sleeves of his shirt and unwrap the bandages that where around his wrists to his shoulders. Each arm was covered in markings in various places. James didn't show any emotion. He didn't cry with his friends. His face didn't go white when theirs did. He didn't say a word. He just sat there and let them count the scars.

_Sixty-two_. Sixty-two scars. Sixty-two times that the razor had grazed across his skin. The three told him that every night before he went to bed that they would count and they didn't want to find more than sixty-two scars. He had agreed with their demand. It showed him that they did care. That they didn't hate him. But he still felt useless, worthless. The days went on. He managed to keep his promise and the scars where starting to fade along with his worries, until today.

James stared at himself in the mirror once again. Carlos had taken the razor and anything sharp out of the bathroom and put safety locks on all medicine cabinets, Kendall took all of the knives and locked them in a safe that only he knew the combination for along with all of the other sharp objects in the house, and Logan took it as his responsibility to search James every day for anything that he could harm himself with. The pain returned sharply earlier making him feel worse than he did a long time ago. He didn't have anything to ease the pain. No razor, no pills, nothing. Suddenly an idea popped in his head. He reeled his fist back and aimed for the mirror. He felt a pleasurable pain as his fist connected with the glass as cracks quickly paved their way claiming their place before the mirror shattered. Shards of glass where on the counter, in the sink, and on the floor. James sat on the floor and picked up the first one his eyes laid on. He grazed it across his skin trying to leave a mark but he threw it across the room rendering it useless. He then picked up a sharper one with a threatening point. He traced an old scar, smiling at the pain and blood it drew.

He traced another and almost jumped for joy. Scar after scar was reopened. He loved the way his blood trailed down to his elbow from his wrists and shoulders before dropping to the ground. Soon enough a puddle formed around his too thin body. He dropped the glass shard to the tile with a clink and his arms fell to his sides. His eyes where slowly closing and he constantly tried to keep them open. Finally, he fell over, his head resting beside the door. He heard a quick knock on the door and the twisting of the locked door. Carlos. Carlos was home. Carlos could help him. James pried his lips open to speak but no words came out. A loud cracking noise was heard in the back of his head as Carlos busted through the door with his helmet. Immediately Carlos froze. James couldn't hear what he was shouting or what Logan yelled when he appeared in the door way. He could see the black dots appear in his vision and his eyes closed to a slit. His world went black and the lives around him crashed.

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**Don't kill me, please...**


	2. Good to Be Home

**Well here ya go! I hope that you enjoyed it! Unless you want more which I will gladly give! But before I can do that I have to update the other one! The song is owned by me. It was just something that popped in the top of my head.**

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Good to be home

**When daytime dies and goes away**

**Night time haunts the streets**

**When love and kindness fades to gray**

**That's when both ends meet**

The song was familiar somehow. The way it was sung was like a lullaby. But he just couldn't identify the voice. It was sweet and calming, but it also brought back memories. Unpleasant ones to be precise. The words and the notes filled him with melancholy despair. It was a lullaby. The one that his very own mother sung to him at nights to when it was time for him so sleep. He could see her picture is his mind. Her long auburn hair that reached just above her shoulders. Her hazel eyes that sparkled numerous colors. Her dimples and perfect nose. She was his most cherished item, and now it was gone. Everything vanished. Disappeared into thin air, as if it had not existed in the first place.

There was a silence that was met by darkness. Only a speck of light shone. It grew bigger as it came forwards. He heard his name being called.

_"James."_ It wasn't the voice of a man or a boy, but a woman. He looked up in surprise. His mother was standing there with a smile on her face and a hand on his shoulder. He was several inches taller than her. _"James, my boy!"_ She cheered and embraced him in a hug. _"It's been years since I saw you last! But why are you here?"_ Her concern leaked out of her mouth like venom spreading through veins.

He looked down ashamed. _"I was a bad boy."_ He said childishly.

Confusion spread across the woman's face. _"What do you mean?" _Slowly he pulled a sleeve up revealing the wounds that he opened and the new ones that he had created. She gasped. _"Oh no… James, you didn't! Please tell me that you didn't!" _ She searched his face desperately.

_"I'm sorry."_

**Don't you dare say one word**

**Don't you make a peep**

**Cause I'll be watching day and night**

**Even when you sleep**

James had finished telling his tale to his mother and she was thinking it over.

_"James, I had hoped that I would never be the one to do this, but you have two choices." _ She paused before continuing. _"You can both stay here and live with me, or you can go back to Earth and live your life there. Each way will cause pain but will be healed with time."_ She looked at her son in the eyes as he contemplated his options. He would finally be able to live with his mother, but he'll be leaving his friends behind.

James sighed. He didn't like making choices mostly because he wasn't good at making them. He always chose the wrong path. He wanted to stay with his mother. He wanted to stay with his friends too.

**When night time dies and fades away**

**Daytime lingers near**

**When hatred's here now don't you fear**

**Cause I'll still be here**

Kendall stared at the clock. It had been over three hours since they got James to the hospital. The doctor had said that James had lost a lot of blood and it would be a miracle if he made it though. This worried Kendall and the others to many extents. What if James wasn't James anymore? He remembered the song that James' mother would sing. He felt to words come to his lips and softly leak out. Logan and Carlos listened carefully at the lyrics of the lullaby. The song reminded them so much of James.

He would always be there with them no matter what happened. Kendall dragged on surprised that his voice hasn't cracked yet. He became even more surprised when Carlos and Logan sung with him. The song was made for four. Four harmonies made the song sound beautiful, but with three, it sounded incomplete yet still beautiful. They stared in numerous places singing in the waiting room. They where beginning to attract a crowd. Some of them where crying some of them where smiling at them with sad eyes. Even though the song was beautiful, none of them where happy.

**Don't you dare say one word**

**Don't you make a peep**

**Cause I'll be watching day and night**

**Even when you sleep**

_"I want, to go home." _James said. He wanted to go home. Yet home was many places. He was torn that he had to make a decision in the next hour for his mothers time was running out. She had taken her time to sing his lullaby over and over. The words where dragging at his eyelids, making him sleepy. He yawned and leaned his head on his mothers shoulder and closed his eyes.

_"And home, you shall go…" _His mother answered after finishing the lullaby for the umpteenth time. James cast a worried glance towards his mother before sipping into the darkness. His mothers' definition was far different than his.

**Don't you dare say one word**

**Don't you make a peep**

**Cause I'll be watching day and night**

**Even when you sleep**

James was semi awake. He kept his eye lids closed due to the bright light. _Home. _He thought. This was his mothers' definition of home. She knew that he wanted to be with his friends. So she let him. James heard the melodies out side in the hall. He slowly opened his eyes to see the white walls glare at him. They where emotionless. Just like his body. He slowly lifted his arm up causing the heart monitor to speed up just a bit and looked at his arm. The scars beckoned him making him grimace and look away. Dropping his arm, he jerked his head sideways causing a pain to form in his neck. He yelped at the unexpected reaction causing all noise in the hall to stop. He winced once more and immediately heard the sound of screeching chairs. He let out a small, weak laugh as he watched his friends tumble in.

They straightened up as soon as they where all through the door. And of course, Carlos had his helmet on. They looked at him and squealed with delight then they ran over and gave James the biggest bear hug of his life. James laughed and hugged them back. It was good to be home…

**Cause I'll be watching day and night**

**Even when you sleep

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Do ya like it? Hate it? Well review it!**


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